Strange title for a blog post. Important though. How many of you lives your life for you? Do you ever find yourself trying to live with in other peoples expectations? I do, and it is over with.
This is not an angry blog post. It is just a finalization of a past life I can no longer hang on to. Why? It is the most unhealthy way to live. I am me, and that is final.
For years I have tried to kick this problem that consumes me. From morning to evening, undue stress from the worry of other peoples expectations. Literally making me physically ill. I do ok for a day or 2, but then I realize that old habits die hard. I am tired of explaining myself to people. I am not perfect, nor will I ever be.
I have issues. Depression, fear, anxiety, OCD, and I am out of shape (round does not count). I have excepted these things about myself. Some of these issues have made me a miserable person to be around at times. That is just me. Some days I am miserable, other days I am great to be around. Take the ups with the downs, or don’t take any of it. That is ok with me.
Have faith in me, or don’t. That is also fine with me. I don’t always have faith in myself…I admit it. There are nights I tell myself that tomorrow I will do something, and tomorrow comes….doesn’t get done. Same patter for years, and years. Hard to break it, but I am a work in progress.
I commit to meeting up with friends, with every intention to do so. Wake up, have a panic attack, can’t go. This sucks, but it is me. This is how I am built. Again, working on it. I don’t have all the answers. I could write an entire blog with excuses…but in the end it is very straight forward….this is who I am.
I am just sick of living in the shit pool of stress and anxiety. Tired of trying to be something I am not to appease other people that I care about. I am sorry I am not that perfect person you want me to be.
I am living at my own pace from now on. Clear minded with direction not dictated by anyone but me. You are either on board, or not. No pressure from me, just simple logic. I don’t tell you how to live your life, you don’t tell me how to live mine.
